Why I am Pagan
Writing by admin on Friday, 13 of August , 2010 at 10:33 pm
I have been asked about my faith on several occasions. I have been invited to attend church on Sunday by a few friends. I have been a solitary Pagan for 15 years and the beaming glare of disbelief, still pierces my spirit after I utter those 3 little words, “I am Pagan”. Visualize my Christian friends running to their cars to get out the marshmallows and Witch burning kits! I have to break the news rather cautiously, being guarded as to who to tell and how much I reveal at once.
I have always lived in the Bible belt. I grew up in a holiness church. We (my mother and 4 of my siblings) attended church 6 days a week and twice on Sunday! I sat quietly on the pew and learned all the wonderful stories about faith, God, and Love. I loved the lessons learned. They were the basis of my faith today. However, I thought that there were too many blanks and gray areas that were withheld. The fact that I didn’t wear what everyone else did and I was not born into money was no help. None the less, all eyes where on me, to judge me, my failures and my walk with God. This church was rather large, about 300 people gathered there regularly. I felt this was not where I needed to be or what I wanted for myself. I was made to attend. My mother held somewhat of a position at the church, as the piano player. Did I mention…our preacher was a woman?
Since I came up in a church headed by a woman, I never thought much about what a woman’s “role” was. Our preacher was the leader. She had a vote that counted and a voice which was heard. I have always thought a woman was equal to a man. “Do a man’s work, get man’s pay”, right? I have learned that there are other religions (here in the Bible Belt, especially) that persecutes and belittles us women, and “cleaning chickens and birthing kids are what we are built for”. OKAY, where do I start with that?
My Pagan influences and lessons started prior to my searching out other religions. My daddy was a farmer. My parents were married 34 years when he died in 1996. He taught me to love the dirt, the warmth and smell of a fresh plowed field and all the things nature gives us. He said, “If you take care of your garden, it will take care of you.” He would buy the Farmer’s Almanac and plant his crops according to the tables in it (which are merely moon tables and moon signs). He would point out the migrating birds and tell me to get out my winter clothes ready because the robins bring in the cold weather. If I had a nickel for all the times my mother spouted out something like, “it was not in the cards today” or “the Gods are angry when it thunders”.
After the loss of my father, I felt alone. I struggled with the things that every other girl would take for granted. He’s not going to be at my graduation! Who’s going to walk me down the aisle? My husband will never get to ask him for my hand! He will never know how wonderful my kids are! He will not pass down his knowledge to them! He’s not going to be there for me anymore…
I began my journey at the book store, of all places. I was drawn to the “New Age” aisle, like the tides to the moon. I am a Scorpio so I have a natural curiosity for this kind of stuff. I stumbled across Scott Cunningham’s “Wicca, A guide for the Solitary Practitioner”. In it, I found some of the “ideas” I was taught by my parents (who learned it from their parents… called common sense to the farmer), and the Preacher (or High Priestess).
We have added to the ordinary Christian holidays (which are Pagan to begin with) to make them more of a ritual. We bake bread for Lammas, bring in a Yule Log for the hearth, and burn candles with intent and purpose. We make our own traditions. I do not push my faith on others. My husband and I, call ourselves Pagan. My kids will decide which path they will take. They hear about both, the Pagan and Christian aspects of religion. Whatever they choose, it will be their choice.
I believe it is a walk in my faith, with my Gods and Goddesses, and my choices that will carry me through this life… and out of it.
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